If you dream of having a horse who is eager to see you, willing to be ridden, fun to groom and safer when you're in the saddle, the first thing to work on is your connection. When you have a strong, trusting connection with your horse, you'll find that any time spent with them is richly fulfilling, regardless if you are galloping through the hills, bringing them hay and giving them a scratch, or simply sitting in the pasture with them.
Why is connection key to your horsemanship?
A horse who feels they know and trust you will always give their best. Their best effort in the show ring, their best attempt at not spooking, their best try at returning that gentle scratch they love so much by grooming you back. This is a horse you can trust in return.
A huge part of connection is clear communication - and you can improve both how you communicate with your horse, and how you read their communication with you. To do this effectively, you might need to let go of a lot of things you have been taught to believe.
Changing the lens on your horses behavior
We're told - "Don't let him get away with it" "Make him do it" "He's testing you" "He's naughty" "He's lazy"... and these negative lenses shape how we perceive our horse's behavior.
What if we start from the assumption that every horse is ready to do their best? What if we watch for their 'try' rather than focusing on what they haven't achieved yet?
Have you heard the idea that a horse will always do what he thinks you are asking him to do; or what he thinks he needs to do to survive?
If we believe our horse is ready to try, and something doesn't work out, we can look at ourselves - how can we be clearer with our 'ask', or break our ask down into smaller steps? Or, we can consider whether the horse is just trying to 'save his life'.
A journey with Obi
I'd like to share where my beautiful Obi and I were, less than a year ago.
I believed that Obi didn't trust me, and that I was holding him back. We had trouble maintaining canter in the ring, and if I rode him before breakfast he was sour and grumpy. He often turned to nip at me while I was grooming him. I felt unsure in the saddle and questioned how I was doing things. I told my friend, with tears in my eyes, that I wondered if it would be best for him if I sold him.
I was looking at any resistance as being negative - and personal!
Then everything changed.
With some soul searching and encouragement I began to see that the threats to nip me were Obi asking for me to connect with him. Letting go of the idea that he 'didn't like me' or 'wanted to hurt me' let me see that he was simply searching for a deeper bond...
I began to pause and say 'help me understand what you need', and time with him is so fulfilling now. We often stand together relaxing with his head over my shoulder, or indulging in a huge scratch session where he points out new spots for me to work on.
On the trail when Obi spooked I began to center myself rather than correcting him. I would focus on being present and connecting with him to help him feel supported and safe. His frequent spooking has gone, and we have much more relaxing rides - although of course a horse will always spook sometimes, it's not a constant worry any longer.
Rather than having a horse who feels 'lazy' and reluctant, I realized that Obi is highly attuned to my balance and physical cues and when I get things right he flows like water... when I am off balance he will slow to keep me safe and wait for me to get things just right.
By changing my lens from 'he doesn't want to do it" to "he wants to protect me and to have a balanced, aware rider" my feelings about riding Obi have completely changed, and we have so much fun. It's possible he is a bit of a perfectionist, but they do say a sensitive horse is the best trainer an equestrian can have!
I know Obi feels so much happier too. He's so excited to see me now, even when I am not bringing hay - it's like he has been waiting all day to have time with me!
Overall my lens has changed from thinking Obi was rebelling or resenting me to realizing that he was protecting me, and also looking for clear open communication from me.
Some special moments
Riding out on a familiar trail one day my head was absolutely buzzing with stress and work thoughts. I just wanted to 'get a ride done' and begin work on the next thing on my to do list. It didn't take long before Obi began really, really spooking at absolutely everything. The poor guy was almost shaking with tension and any little thing would set him off. I realized that he was feeling my overflowing worry and it was overwhelming him. I immediately focused on him physically and emotionally and he shortly he gave a huge exhale and then was calm for the rest of the ride. What a great reminder to be present with him, and also, not to live in the cortisol-soaked stress state I was in!
Obi has also 'told' me some important things about health. I was spending time with him when he arched his neck sideways toward me, basically going "hey look right here can you help me?" When I spoke with a passing vet she said there is a ball shape in his neck which may be a stuck wad of feed that's making him uncomfortable so we have an appointment to investigate it properly. Recently at a large show I spent some time doing 'walkabouts' with Obi, letting him have an explore and check out what he was interested in. He kept returning to a particular horse, although he didn't seem interested in chatting with the horse - and as time went on it was discovered that the horse was ill with pneumonia - I'm sure he was trying to tell me that it needed help.
Connection builds partnership
Obi and I are partners now. I know when to ask and when to listen.. oh boy have I learned to watch and listen more.
I love to let him have a say when I can... in where he grazes for ten minutes, which way we go home, what he wants to look at in the warm up ring, where he gets his next scratches!
It has been wonderful finding out what he likes - and I've learned that he really enjoys verbal communication and responds so well to my tone of voice. Rather than getting a normal pat when he was 'good', we now have a whole repertoire of rubs and pats and full on 'loving on' sessions which he really appreciates. When he's wonderful, he likes to really know it!
Obi is not a huge fan of repetitive dressage training, but he loves Working Equitation as his clever brain is so stimulated! Now if I train dressage work I do it around the Working Equitation obstacles to keep him happy and engaged - it's so fun!
When we compete we don't spend long in the warm up as I want him to be alert and curious not bored and switched off. We do ten minutes or so of warming up his muscles and popping through a couple of obstacles, then we go wandering around the venue with Obi checking out the things he's interested in - I can just feel his fabulous brain learning and enjoying the time and when we go into the ring he's still in his happy curious mental state and really brings his A Game.
Obi has been the perfect mirror for me to see who I really am, and what kind of person I am. I feel he has called me out on being unsure and we are so much more forward together. We've been to shows and come home with ribbons - including an interstate Working Equitation Show where we took 4th overall.
It is such a humbling experience, to experience so much growth and fun, in just eight months, and I'm so excited for how we are together now.
I hope in some small way, reading this has helped confirm some of your ideas, or given you a slightly new way of looking at your own horse. If we can come this far in such a short time, I know other horses and their riders can too - and it is just so fulfilling.
